


That One Time The Hulk Tried Sexting And It Didn't Turn Out

by shuutsukiyamas



Category: The Avengers
Genre: Humor, Sexting, Sexual Humor, pun fic, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 11:59:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1940244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuutsukiyamas/pseuds/shuutsukiyamas





	That One Time The Hulk Tried Sexting And It Didn't Turn Out

Bruce had been in this lab for what felt like a lifetime. A boring one at that. This work wasn't hard, this work wasn't challenging ... This work wasn't  _anything._ Just simple documentation of cells throughout mutation.  _Easy._

He had done everything. He had had eleven cups of coffee, he had played Flappy Bird until the thought of putting a pistol to his head entered him, he had ridden a desk chair down the hall ... Hell, he had even tried porn. And now it was midnight, and he was very, very bored.

Bruce picked up his phone and swung his legs onto the desk. There was a clink, and a few test tubes fell over, and for a moment he swore that there was sodium in the mix, but it was just chlorine.  _Liquid_  chlorine. So nothing too bad. He scrolled through his contacts, hovering over each of the Avengers momentarily before moving on. Finally, he stopped on Tony Stark and clicked  _new message,_ and began to type with a chuckle.

 **Bruce Banner - 12:05 am -** Hey.

He put his phone down and waited ... and waited ... and waited ... 

"The one time he sleeps before 11 am. Wow." 

And then his phone lit up, and he pounced on it almost instantly.

 **Tony Stark - 12:15 am -** Hey buddy.

And before Bruce could answer, another.

 **Tony Stark - 12:16 -** Looking for some sexy pics? Can't help you, bud. Not whilst Pep is around, anyways. ;)

Bruce chuckled and replied. 

 **Bruce Banner - 12:17 -** No, you idiot, I'm bored ... And stuck in a lab.

 **Tony Stark - 12:19 -** Oooh~ Should I, your white knight, come and save you from this lab?

 **Bruce Banner - 12:20 -** Fuck off.

 **Tony Stark - 12:21 -** I read this as "fuck me." And to answer that, no. I'm sorry. I mean, I experimented in college ... but it wasn't for me. I'm sure Steve could help you out, though. ;)

 **Bruce Banner - 12:23 -** Wow.

And then another.

 **Bruce Banner - 12:23 -** You sure you don't wanna take a stir at my conical flask, bud?

 **Tony Stark - 12:24 -** Should I be asking Pepper how to sext? Or ...

 **Bruce Banner - 12:25 -** You make me harder than a chromium compound under water.

Bruce laughed ... and laughed ... and laughed ...

 **Tony Stark - 12:27 -** Well you make me about as hard as rubber struck by lightning.

 **Bruce Banner - 12:30 -** Hurtful. You know you want this ass.

 **Tony Stark - 12:33 -** Desperate, are we? Duck pics? ;)))

 **Bruce Banner - 12:34 -**  ;) ****

**Tony Stark** -  **12:35 -** Dick*.

 **Tony Stark - 12:35 -** Wow you asshole.

 **Bruce Banner - 12:36 -** I'm sorry I just couldn't get the  _hulk out._

 **Bruce Banner - 12:36 -** Geddit.

 **Tony Stark - 12:37 -** Is this why you had no friends growing up, Banner?

 **Bruce Banner - 12:39 -** Rude.

\----

_And it went on ... and on ... and on ... and on._

_\----_

**Tony Stark - 3:45 -** I guess you could say I have  _balls of steel._

 **Bruce Banner - 3:47 -** But your suit is iron alloy.

 **Tony Stark - 3:49 -** Shut up, asshole.

 **Tony Stark - 3:51 -**  Will you let me insert my sample into your petri dish.

 **Bruce Banner - 4:00 -** Oooh, Mr Stark, I do believe I'm weak in the knees.

 **Tony Stark - 4:05 -** I do believe that's just the old age.

 **Bruce Banner - 4:07 -** You're older than me, dick weed.

 **Tony Stark - 4:09 -** Age = more experience in bed. ;))))

 **Bruce Banner - 4:11 -** It also equals a wrinkly penis.

 **Tony Stark - 4:13 -** I thought you wanted my wrinkly penis? :c

 **Bruce Banner - 4:17 -** Sure.

 **Tony Stark - 4:21 -** Next time we meet then~ c;

 **Bruce Banner - 4:23 -** Sure.

 **Tony Stark - 4:24 -**  Do you want my McWeiner, Banner?

 **Bruce Banner - 4:25 -** Sure.

 **Tony Stark - 4:27 -** Are you seriously replying right now?

 **Bruce Banner - 4:29 -** Sure.

 **Tony Stark - 4:31 -** Asshole.

 **Bruce Banner - 4:53 -** ;) ;) ;) ;) 

 **Tony Stark - 4:54 -** Took you long enough.

 **Bruce Banner - 4:55 -** Well sorry the lab almost caught on fire.

 **Tony Stark - 5:00 -** Was it the passion of our texts? Did you whack off too hard?

 **Bruce Banner - 5:05 -**  I don't have chlorine in my semen, you ass. I know you'd like to find out, although. 

 **Tony Stark - 5:10 -** Well ...

 **Tony Stark - 5:11 -** Me sleepy.

 **Bruce Banner - 5:15 -** Then sleep, you ass.

 **Tony Stark - 5:20 -** But how will you get off without me ??? :C

 **Bruce Banner - 5:22 -**....

 **Bruce Banner - 5:22 -**....

 **Tony Stark - 5:23 -** That isn't an answer.

 **Bruce Banner - 5:25 -** Just sleep.

 **Tony Stark - 5:27 -** Alright. Kisses. :*

 **Tony Stark - 5:28 -** I better be waking up to a green dick pic.

 **Tony Stark - 5:29 -** Geddit.

 **Tony Stark - 5:30 -** Bruce~

 **Tony Stark - 5:35 -** Fine fuck it. 

 **Tony Stark - 5:37 -** Love you~

 **Bruce Banner - 5:40 -** Gaaay.

Tony didn't bother replying, which was good, because Bruce was asleep, and not at all bothered to get his _hulk on._


End file.
